These rainbows were over our house on the day of Jason's 1st birthday. We of course took it as a Happy Birthday wish for him from his big sister and a hello to Christopher. It was so beautiful.

I read this poem on another little girl's website and it touched my heart so much I wanted to share it. I know Samantha is with us but to see her and hold her or hear her voice is an overwhelming feeling of the incredible loss we are suffering with..

Letter From Heaven
To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I’m writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there are no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me and he said, “I welcome you.
It’s good to have you back again, you were missed while
You were gone. As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
There’s so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.”
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day’s chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you…in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years,
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain. Remember
There would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o’er.
I’m closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too;
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
When you’re walking down the street and you’ve got Me on
Your mind; I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it’s time for you to go…from that body to be free.
Remember you’re not going…you’re coming here to Me.
Author: Richard Mahaffey

September 19, 2007


One year ago today, for the first time we were the parents of three beautiful children. Although we were struggling and fighting for Samantha’s life we were all able to find some happiness that day… Happy 1st Birthday Jason.

Now we begin our 7th month without Samantha. Every day is a new challenge. Things will never be the same for us and dealing with the finality of Samantha passing is very difficult. Most days it is still unbelievable. Missing her and wanting to hold her again, hear the sound of her voice, or smell the scent of her hair will be with us for the rest of our lives. The feelings are overwhelming and impossible to put into words.

We were looking forward to school starting thinking it would help all of us. In some ways it has but it is hard for us as parents to drop off one child when it should be two. To see Samantha’s classmates coming and going full of life is also difficult. She should be there laughing, learning and growing with them. Christopher is facing his own struggles with that as well, which continues to tear at our hearts. We are working through it the best we can.

On the other hand his activities have gotten us out more. Being around people again is helpful. I think, in my case anyway, it has sparked a little life back up inside me and has made me want to do more. Over the past few weeks I have found myself actually doing things I have been talking about doing for a while. That to me is a big step and I am glad to finally be taking it. I don’t know if it will last or for how long but for the moment I feel a little better. Kurt’s work is picking up which has made him feel better too. Let’s hope that continues.

On September 24th Chillis Restaurants nationwide will donate 100% of it's profits to St. Jude Childrens Reasearch Hospital. It is an easy way to help in the fight against childhood cancer and enjoy a good meal. Please check out your local Chilli's to see if they are participants.

We are still working on the website for the Memorial Fund and it is coming along slowly. We hope to have it up and running soon.

We, as always, are grateful to all of you who continue to reach out to us and give us strength.

Happy Birthday Jason, you have brought so much joy to your family little guy.
Samantha you are deeply missed. We love you sweetie.

Love,
Audra, Kurt, Christopher, & Jason