August 19, 2007

It is so hard to believe we have lived without Samantha for 6 months. I find myself still saying how could this have happened. I don't know how many times I will have to say it for it to make any sense, most likely it never will, how could it. All I know is I MISS and WANT my daughter. She was such an inspiration to all of us. We are all in some what of a rutt. We love each other and try so hard to make the best of our days but the point is that we have to try. It should be a natural thing to wake up and enjoy our days together and you would think after what we have just been through we would make every minute count. Some how it does not work like that. There is a lot of time spent feeling sad, lonely, angry, empty, and just plain disgusted.
Everything we do, especially for/with Christopher (as Jason is still to young to know) seems to be depressing. Nothing will ever be the same, especially for him. We can never fix the hole Samantha's passing has left in his soul. It tears at our hearts that again we can not help our child. It just isn't supposed to be this way.

We are hoping that the start of the new school year will be up lifting forChristopher and a distraction for all of us. We look forward to watching him playing baseball again and doing the things a kid his age should be doing. I think it will help all of us in one way or another. I know for myself I have been somewhat anti-social and this will kind of give me a push out the door. For Kurt, the involvement of helping coach the baseball team will be good. I think he will find enjoyment there as he has in the past. As for Jason, he is such a happy little guy where ever we are so that's not an issue.

We are still waiting for the Memorial Fund website to be finished, it is in the process of being built now and I will post the information as soon as I have it.
As always our gratitude and love to all.
Audra, Kurt, Christopher, & Jason